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Even the most successful people do have periods of lapses in confidence. But what is remarkable about them is that they do not let their emotions take over and they concentrate on their work. Regaining self-confidence when you lack it is essential because nobody would be impressed if you look likea loser. The initial steps in doing so would be to dress better and pretending to be confident.
It can be done by imaging in your mind that you are confident and act out as per the directions and commands of your brain. Find out what confident people do and start doing the same. Start looking into people's eyes when you meet them because confident people do it. Smile as it is a subtle sign of confidence. Listen to others as it is a quality of confident people.
The simple techniques discussed above can even be adopted as style. However, they would become irrelevant if all your style is not backed by facts in what you say and do. Be prepared and be sure of your facts, concerning the task at hand. Next step would be to get into the habit of thinking before you speak and staying focused. By focusing on what you want to say, instead of rambling on and on, you show that you respect other people's time another quality of confident people.
Be open to criticism. Learn to take criticism in your stride. It is a sign of confident person to let himself be criticized unfairly and not let his anger take over. Experts suggest that it would be better to bite your tongue rather than losing yourcool. People would like to see whether you can be trusted to maintain control. When you are criticized, the first thing one needs to do is ask himself or herself a tough question: Is the criticism justified?, Does it carry any substance?
Handling criticism carefully is something to be learnt by many. One way is to take up the issue with the person in a private discussion and explain that you would like to solve any interpersonal problems on a one-to-one basis. Another way is by responding with a thanks and easing out the tension. Then, probably you may end up explaining in a non- defensive manner giving suitable reasons and arguments.
One more method is to simply stop speaking or changing the topic of conversation when you finish explaining your rationale. However, the most confident way of handling criticism, it can be argued, would be by posing a counter-question, "What would you have done?"
Worry is something that can shatter a person's confidence much before even the performance begins. The best way to come out of worrying syndrome is to face it. Assign a time to it, jot down and worry to your heart's content. Think of the problem completely. Study and analyse it from all angles and prudently figure out what you should do if the worst really occurs. Be realistic and prepare a plan in advance in case the worst happens. Once you are prepared for the worst, focus onyour success. Prepare a list of your past successes in similar kind of situations.
When worry strikes, and it does strike often, even to the winners. So, take a break to let the stress dissolve. Simply sit quietly and focus on your breathing until you feel more relaxed. This technique may not work instantly, as your mindwill keep drifting back to the worry. However, this can be overcome by a strong willpower and by refocusing all your energy and attention on the task at hand.
Sometimes, bigger things that you cannot control can make you lose confidence. But, things in your immediate world can be generally controlled. So, it would be prudent to centre yourself and focus your energy on internal forces rather than worrying about external forces that are beyond your control. Always analyze the causes for your grief before blaming yourself. If you have got into a habit of blaming yourself for problems that were caused by others, get out of it. Start withsmall, minor steps rearrange your desk, reposition your files, throw out clutter, etc. The rewards of such simple accomplishments are often multiplied.
The act of rehearsing is the best confidence-builder. Rehearsing can be as simple as writing out an intended conversation and reading it before a mirror or making an audio tape of yourself and listening carefully for blunders or get yourself videotaped and get it reviewed for the outcome. Rehearsal can also be with the imagery. By imaging yourself accomplishing a task successfully, you wipe out negative emotions such as fear, aggression, anger and worry.
When you come across a situation in which you do not know how to respond, try to imagine how someone else would have done in the same situation. Reconcile that position withwhat you think is the right course of action. Mimicking others is justifiable as we copy other people all the time. Role models are needed until you do not gain enough confidence in yourself. Once you start succeeding on your own, then you can copy yourself.
However, the best way to regain confidence is to talk out your worries with someone you trust it can be a friend, parent, sibling, spouse or a colleague. Discharging emotions in private is a time-tested method of finding yourself in a confident frame of mind. During the course of such talk out, you might remember that you had gone through tough situations before and you had managed to come out of them.Reminiscing about your past positive accomplishments would work wonders in building your confidence and ready you to face any challenge.